Curse of Contentment

FAILED

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 11:01:08 GMT

I got the results of my Soc Sci 103 exam today...i failed.

I did not expect such a result... i was confident that most of my answers were correct, especially were it counted. But when i saw the blue book, and when the fact that i failed sank in my mind, i felt no surprise on the result.

Did i deserve the grade i got? Judging from my own reaction, i felt the answer was "yes". Though i prepared for the exam, it wasn't enough, and i still found time for a lot of leisure.

Well, experience ought to be a good teacher, the best even, but it still hasn't made its mark on me...Hopefully, that changes now. I better start learn from my mistakes or else... the consequences would be all too grave.

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 11:30:21 GMT

Had this dream last night. It was some kind of undercover agents adventure and was really interesting. But what interests me more is the fact that 'i've been having these dreams lately' (ala Utada Hikaru). Could it be a sign that i'm becoming HAPPIER lately. Maybe...

I guess, i feel good about me being me lately. Must be the effect of doing my homeworks and writing down my thoughts here. I don't really know how or why but its like having lifted great big something off of my shouldeer, which has been there for so long that i could not remember, for reasons that i really never came to know.

Well, for now, i just hope this feeling lasts...

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I'm into cookies today... LOTS of it. Chocolate chip cookies to be precise. I bought a cheap pack of it yesterday, containing about 25-30 pieces, and then another pack just now. It's really good though, despite being cheap, that's why i decided to always bring some to school.

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Damn, Steadler pencil graphite (lead) is expensive. I actually bought one pack of twelve pieces, for P37.75! It seemed even more expensive when put side-by-side with the other brand i bought. 24pieces for 5 pesos! You could actually by fifteen pieces of it for the price of a single steadler lead. I just hope that the cheaper one actually writes!

Samurai, dreams and Katsuya Terada

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 12:00:06 GMT

I got to watch The Last Samurai yesterday in the film center, and i found it really impressive. I really felt Mitsurugi's (from Soul Calibur) problem in facing his new enemy. For the Samurai who dedicated their life in the perfection of their swordsmanship, in order to fulfill his duties to the Emperor, be defeated by a group of peasants who gained instant power through the use of guns. It was really saddening the way the Samurai charged the battery of howitzers and machine guns armed only with their sword, their discipline and their honor.

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I had a WEIRD dream this morning. I remember it starting as some sort Counter-strike slash Resident Evil mission with myself armed with a sniper rifle (which had no effect to the ghoul-looking enemies). I then found some of my barkada, and a phoenix trapped by a seemingly boss type of monster. In desperation, i pushed the phoenix through a window. I then found myself flying with the phoenix across this very scenic greenery with mansions and lakes. It felt like a giant resort or theme park and my barkada became models who began swimming in the lakes. The Phoenix began to land, which was when i fell in the water. It was surprisingly shallow and grassy and beside me was this crocodile. that was when i woke up.

It wasn't scary or uncomfortable. In fact, i found the dream really amusing, and hope that i have more of such scenic and flying related dreams.

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Hehehehe... This is the work of my idol Katsuya Terada

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 09:27:51 GMT

Damn... Jin-roh is the best

hectic...

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 08:44:38 GMT

Man, there so much to do this week. i just finished taking our exam on Soc Sci 103 and theres still a lot to do. i have to report on "Sovereign and Subject" on my Philo 175 tomorrow and revise my concept paper on Komm II for Thursday. There is the outline for my essay in Pol Sci 157 and another for my Pol Sci 178! And i was planning to watch The Last Samurai TODAY!!!
i don't even know if it has a 6 pm slot...then theres the FREE film showing on Saturday on Hayao Miyazaki (i'm not sure on my spelling)

I'm over stretching myself now, and i'm getting interested on playing Dungeon and Dragons RPG with the Magic (the gathering) people. The ever late development of my manga (WHAT MANGA!?! I HAVE NOT ACCOMPLISHED A SINGLE PAGE ON EITHER STORY OR CHARACTER! I HAVE NO IDEA ON WHERE TO BEGIN! but i will make one... thats for sure)is still another time siphon as well as PS2 (Astig talaga ang Front Mission 4) doesn't help my shortage for time. Nor is the project of finding a special someone for myself, which DEFINITELY cannot be rushed! Theres also the intention of opening an account in deviant art, which would not happen anytime soon.

So, i have a lot of 'work' cut out ahead of me. i just hope i can deal with them all fine.

Arghh! theres also the application to ZS!!! theres so much to do.

La lang

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 19:11:49 GMT

Nothing interesting to write today... i watched Finding Nemo through DVD today, and it wasn't bad. My father brought me a gift today, a pair of garden shears for all my grass cutting needs (tsk, more work).

Idol

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 16:47:23 GMT

i was surfing in the net yesterday when i found scans of Katsuya Terada's works (mainly from his artbook). It was really awe-inspiring, as his unique designs and beautiful colors show through out all his works. I was so impressed that i decided to try and imitate his style. i know it will take a LOT of work, but if i could produce art in his caliber, then i would really be satisfied.

uhmm, i forgot to mention... his works were 'explicit' in nature (but very VERY artistic)

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Today was rather uneventful... i woke up 10:30 am (surfed until 3:30 am hehehe) ate Brunch and then watched TV. Apollo 13 was the only show/movie worth watching, although its the fourth time that i watched it. I played Front mission 4 in the afternoon, spending 3-4 hours for a single mission (well that and two simulation battles to toughen up my units). then i watched a couple of Naruto eps. while preparing for dinner. it wasn't really boring, but the day could have been a lot better...

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I have been re-thinking my original story plot for a future manga (the one with angels, mutants, humans...). I thought it would be nice twist if the mutants were created by the humans (plying the 'i am god' game again). after a while, the humans found the mutants to be a bother an decided to rid themselves of their own creation

Yun na lng muna ciguro...

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 17:11:27 GMT

Heh, my second journal entry...

It was raining cats and dogs this afternoon. I actually got drenched after dashing three yards toward my ride home. Thankfully, i didn't end up very sick as a result, even if i had to loiter around an airconditioned room after a while.

That's just as well, since exams are coming soon. Essay requirements are also begining to pile up, causing me to worry about my usual tendencies of waiting for deadlines. I can't afford that this semester, or any other semester for that matter. Anyways, as long as i'm aware of this fact, then i'll probably be fine.

It kinda sucked this afternoon that we didn't get to discuss the intended readings for our class (considering the rarity of the occasion, me READING and all). A chubby, confident activist asked our professor for a five minute interruption to invite us in a rally pertaining to the SONA, and he ended up taking more than FORTY-FIVE!!! The class got into a heated discussion about how do government should manage its business, with him as the ring leader. It became really amusing when this seemingly elitist girl started asking questions, and commenting that students could help better if they were all to graduate on time.

Well, it was a fun day, all in all, excluding the getting drenched part of it. i guess that's all for now...

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 06:36:52 GMT

I can't help but feel disappointed with my self lately. I'm loosing both interest for and dedication to my academic performance, my relationship with family and friends, and even in my expressed hobbies. The case lately is not that of failing, but of not trying, and i'm begging to think that my "lack of motivation" do this "things" is but an excuse.

"An excuse for what?" i ask myself knowing full well the answer to such an incredulous question. An excuse for not trying, perhaps, for the fear of failing to reach the standards i have set upon myself, fearing to see the real me for the possibility of seeing him as a far lesser man than what i would have wanted to be, or worse yet, lesser than the man i tried to present to everyone i know.

This is probably why i decided to be who i am now, lazy and uncaring. But despite the refuge it offered me from the foul realities of my own capabilities, it created a me who is far worse than i could have ever known. A man who lost all motivations and dreams, a man who lacks any ambition, a man who wishes of nothing, a man who is "contented". Unhappy and contented .